getting home is hard...[part two]

So, I left off last time at being delayed 20 hours and staying an extra night in Germany.

Looking back, I am extremely thankful I got an extra night in Osnabruck to hang out with friends and family one last time. A huge group of [drunk] friends showed up at 4:00 in the morning to wish me farewell, which was super sweet, and I also dragged Henning along for the ride to Dusseldorf, again, with Dani and Wolfgang. We had breakfast and had a few tearful goodbye's, again, and I headed on my way. 

This is where it got really fun.

Like I said earlier, boarding passes were the same, meaning seating was the same...thank god. I had an isle seat, and an empty seat next to me. A family from the Bay Area on my right, Germerican family on my left. All was good.  Until I started cramping like a mo-fo and went to the tiny airplane bathroom to find that yes, I had in fact gotten a lovely gift from mother nature days early and was totally unprepared. That was awesome. So I maneuvered through the situation the best I could. 

[trying to not give too much TMI, sorry Dad, and any other male readers, but ladies...I know you feel me on how shitty this can be!]

Anyway so I had that whole situation on my plate, not to mention the nasty cold tat was making me blow huge amounts of bodily fluid out of my nose. Yum! So, I drugged myself and prepared for sleep. Since I was going on hour number 31 of being wide awake. 

Naturally, I only slept for 2 hours on the plane. Lovely.

Then I tried to order a beer, and realized that I had no American dollars. Is this real life? 

Apparently, it was.

They wouldn't take Euros.

Joy. Pure, joy.

So when we finally made it to California, it was only natural that my head felt like it would explode during our descent. I figured this would happen, but I wasn't prepared for the 'needles gouging my eyeballs' feeling that took over for over a minute causing my eyes to tear uncontrollably and my left eye gets all  puffy and red. I was a hot mess I tell ya. A hot, hot mess.

We finally landed at 10:45am. I got through security at 12:35pm. 

Let me tell you why...

First of all, the immigration and customs at LAX is absolutely dreadful. It took for.ev.er and I was questioned in a separate area for 5 minutes! Conversations that took place during my interrogation:

Immigration Dude: "Take your glasses off."

I remove my glasses.

Immigration Dude: "Don't wear your glasses while handing over your passport again."

Me: "Okay. Sorry. I've been up for 40 hours, I can't see very well."

He's totally unsympathetic to this situation.

Dude: "How long were you in Europe?"

Me: "Eleven months."

Dude: "Why were you there for eleven months?"

Me: "I was an Au Pair in Germany, I have a German Visa on page seven."

He turns to page nine.

Dude: "It's not here."

Me: "Page seven..."

Dude: "Your visa states you were permitted to reside in Germany for twelve months. Why did you come back a month early?"

Me: "Well, oddly enough, flights to America are almost doubled in July or August compared to in June."

Dude: "Did you assist in the hiding of any illegal aliens?"

Okay, shit's getting real now...

[I'm thinking, yeah I've got some illegal aliens in my back pocket. Where the hell would I be hiding a person?!]

Me: "No."

Dude: "Did you mother any children while out of the country?"

Okay, WTF? 

Me: "Umm, no. And if I did I think I would have them with me."

He just stares.

Dude: "Okay. You are free to go."

Me: "Thank you. Have good day."

He just stares.

So then, I make my way to the baggage carousel. Grab my things, and get in line. While I'm waiting, a nice looking security guard with a German Shepard makes his way to my cart of baggage. 

The dog begins sniffing my bag.

Security Dude: "Hello Ma'am, where are you coming from today?"

Ma'am? Really. I'm 21, yet I look like I'm no older than 17.

Me: "Germany."

Security Dude: "Would you be travelling with any drugs today?"

Just a casual, everyday question I suppose...

Me: "Nope. Drug free today."

Dude: "How about any wursten?"

---Let me point out that he was pronouncing it like "were-stan".

Me: "What?"

Dude: "Wursten."

Me: "What?"

Dude: "Were-stan. German sausage?"

Me: "Ohh, wursten? No I don't have any wursten in my bag."

---Let me point out that I was pronouncing it correctly like, "vurst-hyen"

Dude: "Riiiight, how about bratwurst?"

Me: "Nope. Unfortunately I have no German meat, cheese, or produce in my baggage."

Dude: "Okay, thanks."

He then continues to stand next to me silently for like, 20 seconds.

Me: "Can I pet your dog?"

Dude: "No."

He then walks away.

I have now made it to the bag scan after a long 15 minute wait. 

When I reach the machine I am now instructed to go to the other line, the line for "threatening persons".

Okay, is this really real life?

I make it over to the "threatening persons" area and the guy finds it hilarious that I have been asked such strange questions. He doesn't understand why I would be seen as a threat. Finally, someone who understands me. He then lets me know I look better without my glasses on.

Our friendship is now over.

I push my extremely heavy bag outside of the international terminal and walk it 15 more minutes in the sweltering heat. I find the Southwest terminal, and switch my flight electronically. You see, my flight was scheduled for 5:45 pm. Keep in mind it's 12:45. Um, no thanks. So I'm overly excited there is a spot on the 2:35 flight to Sacramento. Until I put my bags on the scale and realize I have to pay $100 for 2 overweight bags. 

Clearly, luck is on my side this weekend.

I make it through security, grab a water and M&M's, and sit down by the gate. 

I have already talked to my Mom, and Dad. I have also been texting Henning throughout the entire incident. They all find my experience weird, yet hilarious. I'm still angry about the entire ordeal. 

At this point I am having a horrible time speaking English, my brain only wants to work in German. The fake L.A bimbos (no offense L.A readers...) are really ticking me off. 

Every American accent is driving me cray cray, and I have never wanted anything more in life than to be back in Osnabruck. I begin to cry. I put my sunglasses on.

It was serious sadness.

But, alas, the clock rolls around to 2:30. 

Why are we not boarding yet?

Oh, no worries, my 2:35 flight is delayed until 3:45.

Of course it is.

Needless to say, I finally made it back home. But have NEVER, in my entire life, been subject to such travelling horrors.

Horror, I tell you. Horror.

Thankfully, my family took my hot mess of a self to In-N-Out.

And the rest is history.

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Since I'm feeling nostalgic, here are some images from my last few days in Deutschland: